Final Fantasy 1: Genesis Must... not... start... with... The one that started it all. It was crap by today's standards. Pure, unbridled crap. Gawd, was it fun. Look, up to this point A was jump, and B was run or some other wacky action. Text was unheard of, and plot was very, very scarce. This game was the breaker of said mold (Unless you count games like Dragon Warrior that I didn't play as a child, which I don't). A was confirm, and B was cancel. Text was plentiful, and the princess was not in another castle. How incredible. Character development was non existent, except for, in the words of my next door neighbor (also the first person I named my black mage after), "they changed and got all cool an' big." As far as the actual game and plot. Four out of six light warriors are forced to save the world because they showed up at the gates of Corneria. It would be impossible for them to go anywhere else, there's no way off the island, and there are no other towns on said island. They save the princess, meet a witch that imparts the worst magic spell ever with the best music ever, and beat up a bunch of scurvy pirates. Woo hee. Eventually, they get around to the real quest after helping out some crazy gnomes with dynamite sticks. Save the world by restoring the four elements. It was pretty simple progression, the elemental fiends were tough, but could be defeated pretty easily by using the earliest version of Haste, and leveling up was, as always, annoying as hell. Finally, you defeat the last fiend, and, if you're lucky, the first Omega Weapon, Warmech. An aside for our dearly departed Warmech. Man, that thing was tough. I beat it once by accident, and damn, it was more satisfying than beating Emerald. Anyway, ya defeat the last fiend and the game doesn't end. You have to do the stupidest thing ever, travel back in time and defeat an evil that has been brewing for 2000 years. Don't even try to, like me, rationalize beating up a creature that you've now defeated in the future. This also marks the first video game appearance of Time Travel Will Make the Finality of the Plot Pointless. See also Final Fantasy 8 as well as Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. But I, as usual, digress. One trip back in time later, the boss you beat in the first place is finally bested, and the Final Fantasy draws to a close. Personal Notes: Where to begin. I now realize this entire game is a D&D game where the dungeon master is on crack, but back then, the whole idea of adventuring around with a sword, a healer, a karate master, and the Nuke spell seemed so foreign. It was fun, dammit. I loved, and still love, kicking underwater ass. I still fear the marsh cave and its horrid wizards. And I still feel bad for Astos. Come on, he was second born in the elf monarchy, and just because of this silly fact, he has to go all evil. My other major memory is that I can still remember what I named everyone (Fighter- Bob, Black Belt- Jon, White Mage- Mike, and Black Mage- Jim) and my next door neighbor and best friend was always mad he had to be the weak mage and not the cool karate guy. I explained to him, quite carefully, that one day he would know Nuke and kick complete ass. He, like others, never understood my reasoning. Final Continuity Bahamut: A friendly bloke who's king of the dragons and will make your characters big and scary if you brave his Castle of Trials. Legendary Option: Warmech, the thing that will kill you worse than Chaos, can be found, if you're unlucky, in the Air Palace on a bridge I affectionately have always dubbed "The Bridge of Fear". Excalibur: Forged by Watts the dwarf should you find Adamantium in a very non descript chest towards the end of the game. Good ol' NES memory renames it Xcalibur. Masamune: A blade of immense power that can be wielded by anyone. You'll find this one in the very last treasure chest of the game, in a far off area of the Temple of Fiends of the past. Final Fantasy 2: The Clone Okay, screw it. I never played this one. I've got the GBA game, sure, but, really, it doesn't look that great, just sort of a rehash type deal. Just look at fighter there Final Fantasy 3: The Onioning Like I played this one. Do you know how stupid those Lulu ultimate weapons look? Screw this "never released in America" carp. Let's check out the 16-Bit era!

All non-copyrighted material is copyright 2005 Robert Pollack. Reproduction of most anything without Robert's express permission in whole or in part is prohibited by law. Ain't that a kick in the pants?